Money & Power

Doormen, Hotel Concierge, and Florists Reveal How They Know Someone Is Cheating On Their Partner

Your spouse may not know you’re cheating, but the florist, hotel concierge, and the Maître D' definitely do. What’s giving you away?

Call them the secret keepers: You may have been able to hide your infidelity from your husband or wife, but these people definitely know what you're up to. We went straight to the source to find the obvious tells.


If someone is visiting you regularly—especially when your spouse is out—the doorman will notice. But most likely he won’t tell, according to J. Antonio, a New York City doorman who made the 2017 film Night Job about the profession. “We see everything,” he says, “but unless there’s a reason for it, we don’t get involved.” Remember that the next time you tip.

The Maître D'

“It’s pretty apparent in the restaurant industry when people are trying to be discreet,” says Rosalina Iannucci, of Robert’s Steakhouse in Atlantic City. Customers will make off-the-books reservations, ask for tables in social Siberia, and offer to pay the bill in cash. But discretion works both ways. “I’ve trained my staff to never say ‘Nice to see you again,'” Iannucci says, “because it happened once and somebody’s wife said, ‘You were here before? Who were you with?’ ”

The Concierge

“A hotel is basically a brothel with a bar attached,” says Jacob Tomsky, a veteran hotelier and author of the tell-all Heads in Beds. How can he tell when a guest is cheating? “They’ll ask a lot of questions about anonymity. Guests might argue about credit card holds for incidentals or insist on paying cash at checkout. Lack of luggage is also a big red flag. You don’t bring a suitcase if someone at home could realize it’s missing.”

The Florist

It’s not only if you send flowers but how you send them that can betray illicit behavior. “We know what’s going on,” says Darroch Putnam, whose company, Putnam & Putnam, did the floral design for Gwyneth Paltrow’s recent wedding. “Sometimes people will use initials instead of full names, or they’ll include cryptic messages, and that’s a tip-off.” There’s also a pecking order when it comes to the arrangements philanderers order. “The wife will get higher-priced arrangements,” Putnam says. “Somebody else will get something a bit more entry-level.”

The Real Estate Agent

Your real estate agent knows much more about you than a co-op board might ever learn. When clients are shopping for a special someone who’s not their spouse, Manhattan broker Maria Velazquez says it’s always apparent. “The requirements are funny,” she says. “They’ll insist on a parking garage that goes directly into the apartment, or a banker will claim he’s buying a Financial District crash pad to be close to work, but he’ll make a fuss over the size of the closet.”

*This article originally appeared on

*Minor edits have been made by the editors

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Corynne Cirilli
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