Manners & Misdemeanors

On the Lotto and Instant Wealth: The Smart, Truly Rich Way to Use a Billion Pesos

"When all of a sudden you come into great money, don’t be stupid."
ILLUSTRATOR SANDY ARANAS
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Who was it that said you can never be too rich, too thin, or too beautiful?

This wise person was probably a Truly Rich, Thin, and Beautiful Lady, who believes the idea of never being afraid to ask the universe for more and for everything.

I visit this thought—to be honest, I subscribe to it—because yesterday my most reliable assistants went missing, and their excuse was “because we have to buy a lotto ticket now!” The pot, they explained breathlessly, has crossed the billion-peso mark, a gathering of digits that thrilled them so much they left me without a word. Who will prepare my cold brew?  

It is also a sum that even I, a person with more than enough, cannot ignore. I told them to buy me three tickets. It is my first time to join such a diversion.

Now, in my upholstered sleigh bed, I find myself unable to sleep. I think of the possibilities. What if I win? What if you, dear readers, win? What if you, because of Lady Luck, suddenly join me in the ranks of the Truly Rich Ladies? Do I have to be nice to you now?

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At 16, I was vested with my first Coo Fund. You can call it a very serious allowance, or happy dividends, or an infusion of mind-boggling moolah. I did not know what to do with it. There were advisers, of course, but all that went out the window when I found myself, a teenager with access to funds, on Rue Faubourg St. Honoré.

It was not a pretty moment. Well, it was pretty fabulous at the time. I convinced my gullible friends to peel away from our pack of minders–the old people–to test the limits of my new power. As it turned out, the limit does not exist.

Now, Truly Rich Mothers do not get angry (because it disturbs the proper settling of the Botox). They do something worse. Later that day, as I walked through the doors of our hotel suite, my arms loaded with all manner of shopping bags, my mother took one look at me and my loot and then retreated to her bedroom. That was not the reaction I expected. I really thought she would share the excitement of purchases.

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Instead, my mother expressed her disappointment at my lack of self-control. “Si-si, this is not how we do things,” she said in a sad, soft voice. I was reprimanded immediately and a limit was instated. I have never shopped like that ever again.

The lesson is this: When all of a sudden you come into great money, don’t be stupid.

My mother's sage advice: Do not change your life. Our relentless advisers and tireless fund managers' top tip: Make your money work for you.

That first is simple to understand. Sure, you can do with a few upgrades here and there, but resist the urge to level up your lifestyle to the 100th degree. Go ahead and trade in your seven-year-old car for this year's model, but don't even think about that Lamborghini.

The other advice can be seen through the filter of God. I’m sure all of you, good Sunday worshipers, are familiar with the Parable of the Talents. Three servants are given talents or money by their master. Two make use of their money and double the original sums. The third—and this always makes me giggle—digs a hole in the ground and buries his share underground. Guess who the master “...[throws] into the outer darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth?”

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You should really do both. In a rare moment of candidness, a Truly Rich Friend revealed that she puts so-and-so amount in the bank for a rainy day, and then “I play a little game of risk, Si-si, and invest so-and-so amount on this and that.” This and that, of course, is her diversified empire of salty snacks, sugary drinks, and personal care products.

I am no finance whiz, but I do believe that this strategy is standard among those with serious money. I know my own placement of so-and-so funds in the safety of a bank, as well as these-and-those endeavors, have afforded me a charmed life in the pursuit of being rich, thin, and beautiful.

One more note: Please remember that a lot of money does not make a Truly Rich Lady. There are other nuances that color our world such as the perfect mastery of manners and the test of time. So to the sudden billionaire, I offer my congratulations. Also, call me only when you've learned the delicate art of small talk and when your billion survives more than one generation.

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About The Author
C.C. Coo
The Truly Rich Lady
C.C. Coo—also known as Town&Country’s Truly Rich Lady—is not a professional seeker of leisure as many people wrongly assume, for she has a real-life occupation: a SHE-EO of Important (Sub)Company of an Empire, for which she works very hard to make sure that the people in her care are not left wanting. She believes that manners are utterly important: “If society is like one of those costume jewelry pieces worn by Jackie O or Diana, manners would be the glue that keeps the veneer of a most beautiful thing from falling apart,” she says.
View Other Articles From C.C.
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