Hell Hath No Fury Like Martha Stewart in the Back of a Dirty Uber
Martha Stewart experienced her first Uber ride this morning and, honey, it was not "a good thing." Martha, a stalwart on Comedy Central Roasts, has never shied away from making her opinions known. After all, who could forget the time she toured Tom from Real Housewives' apartment and read it for filth, on the record? Apparently, and for reasons that are still unknown, Martha decided that today would be the day she waded into the gig economy waters. After an industry event, the Queen of All Media summoned a carriage to ferry her away, and that's when the trouble began.
The post has since been removed from Martha's Instagram, but screenshots have made the rounds on Twitter:
Martha, to put it lightly, wasn't here for any parts of this. There's something so relatable about one of the richest celebs experiencing the same trials as us normals. Of course, her ride-share issues came after a glamorous breakfast at Tiffany's and ours come while trying to avoid surge pricing at last call, but
Real talk, though, nothing thrills me more than when a celebrity is on a plane that runs out of Diet
"My very first Uber!" she wrote on Instagram. "I ordered the most expensive version to pick me up on Fifth Avenue and 57th street in front of Tiffany's." Oh, in case you had any doubt, Martha is definitely that person who uses social media to flex at random. Martha's not even talking about Uber Black versus Uber Pool, although LOL at the idea of Martha sharing a ride in a Corolla with two finance bros and a Judy Greer type on her way to an audition. I would watch an entire Amazon series about that scenario. But no, Martha has never heard of the idea of sharing a ride. Martha would prefer if she wasn't even sharing the ride with her driver. Icon.
It's amazing that Martha leads with the fact that she's being picked up from Tiffany's in the most expensive Uber because, honestly, what other information do you need in your life? At a certain point, the price stops reflecting an upgrade in quality and just refers to size. So, one can only assume, she ordered an Uber Black Car XL with Hydraulics and Amphibious Capabilities.
Unfortunately, that Uber did not come—probably because it moonlights as the Batmobile and it was busy fighting crime. So Martha had to order a second Uber. "The second Uber came ten minutes later and parked halfway down 57th street where I could not see the license plate." Again, very relatable. Look, one of the tradeoffs of knowing that at any minute, the shadow government run by Kanye West and Sheryl Sandberg could send a drone to my exact location and extract my DNA is the benefit of being able to tell ride-share drivers and people on dating apps where I am. If the second half of that deal isn't working, I really have to rethink my relationship with the
Also relatable: having no idea what car is coming for you. Oh, it's a gray Acura with a license plate that begins JZC? Fantastic news, except it's dark outside, I couldn't identify a single car model even under penalty of death, and I don't have time to be looking at letters because I'm staring at my Twitter watching a sitcom star meltdown over a flight delay, okay? So, the driver is going to have to honk or something.
Me, trying to figure out what the heck a Camry looks like.
Martha's saga continues: "Then we were facing east when I had to go west and south. Took twenty minutes to face south west. Etc etc." I love that even Martha gets tired of telling this story. She yadda-yadda-yaddas the specific trials of trying to change directions in Midtown Manhattan. There's nothing more New York relatable than New Yorkers being absolutely bored with the small annoyances of city life but still insisting on talking about them like anybody cares. It's like when people in LA tell you every interstate they took to get to wherever they're going and you're just looking at them like, "So, what you're saying is you rode on roads in your car? Sometimes fast, sometimes slow? Scintillating."
Back to Martha: "On top of it all the car was a mess inside and out!!!!!!!!" HONEY, Martha used eight exclamation points like she was one-hour into a text argument in a group chat. Martha has an unlimited data plan and the most expensive Uber! She does not give a heck! Charge her per character; she can afford it.
Truth be told, though, that car is a bit of a mess. Well, at least the floors could use some detailing. And what's the deal with those half-empty water bottles? Suspicious. Maybe not worth an Insta-rant, but I see her point. Still, nobody
Martha ended her post by reminding us all that she wants Uber to succeed. Relatable. As in, when I want a business to succeed, I wait nine years after its founding to use it for the first time and then post pictures of my shoes on a dirty floor mat to my millions of followers. Martha is a one-person Shark Tank episode for already-established business and that is a good thing.
From: ELLE US
This story originally appeared on Townandcountrymag.com.
* Minor edits have been made by the Townandcountry.ph editors.