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What the New Monopoly Pieces Are Trying To Tell Us About Wealth And Power
Say farewell to the boot, wheelbarrow, and thimble tokens thanks to the tyranny of choice.
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Last month, Monopoly announced which crowd-sourced pieces made the final cut for the newest version of the board game being released this fall. More than 4.3 million voters from 143 countries voted on the 64 contenders, ultimately deeming a Tyrannosaurus Rex, rubber ducky, and penguin the winners. Meanwhile, the boot, wheelbarrow, and thimble tokens will be unceremoniously tossed into the annals of memory.

Considering Monopoly is all about greed, grooming young faux real estate moguls into future business tycoons, it makes sense from a sociological and economic standpoint that the purest symbols of physical labor in the game got the shaft.

We get it. A board game that’s been around since 1935 and played by an estimated 1 billion people must evolve with the times, or it risks losing relevancy. Hasbro recently introduced an electronic banking version of the game, but the demise of “relics” from a less social media savvy era is the latest insult to injury.


Monopoly's newest additions: a rubber duck, tyrannosaurus rex, and penguin

With our entire identity as a nation in turmoil, one of the few things that doesn't divide us is nostalgia—especially our longing for a time before the dawn of handheld video games and Instagram feeds. But there's something about the duck, the penguin, and the dinosaur that fail to appropriately reflect the times.

That said, let's look at some other tokens Hasbro might have considered instead:

PILL

Only the people with health care “deserve” this token.

OIL DERRICK
This special piece gets to skip over the "evil EPA" square.

SILVER SPOON (EXCLUSIVELY FOR MONOPOLY 1% EDITION)


The spoon token is made of sterling silver because silver-plated would be a cruel joke.

TWITTER BIRD
If it lands on a ‘nuclear’ square, the player gets to the throw the board up in the air and run from the room.

GOLD BAR


The player should honestly take the token and flee considering the upcoming bear market.

ILLUMINATI EYE
Little do the rest of the players know, you’ve already won.

TOOTHPICK THROUGH AN OLIVE


You're probably playing during cocktail hour anyway. Why not accept the inevitable?

"SPA" ROBE
Perfect for the ‘Masonic Lodge’ square!

MEATLOAF
The last person to join in is forced to take the meatloaf token and remain silent while being insulted by the rest of the players for the entirety of the game.

GOLF CLUB


Avoid the rest of the game and retreat to the Palm Beach square.

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*This story originally appeared on Townandcountrymag.com.
* Minor edits have been made by the Townandcountry.ph editors.

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